In a lot of ways, I’m glad and proud to be an atheist.
But right now, I would die to believe in God again.
I want that hope and that faith back.
I feel… lost and hopeless.
And you also feel suicidal according to one of the replies on your blog. This is a seldom talked about reaction after one loses their faith, but I know what you’re going through. I also saw the post where you reached out to Christians; it’s a shame that they have thus far bypassed a chance to care for you. I won’t do such a thing and I’m not doing so in the interest of atheism; I’m doing this in the interest of humanity. You don’t need god to give your life purpose. You don’t need god to continue living. Losing faith can be likened to losing a loved one. At first one is angry or in denial; in my case, it was both. I was angry because I devoted so much time to false beliefs; I was in denial because I didn’t know how to live my life any other way. After that initial stage comes acceptance. You have to accept what you have lost and learn to move on without it. You have to find the strength within yourself to live on and to give your life a purpose, and allow others to increase that purpose. Someday you will marry and have children, assuming you desire that; they will add purpose to your life. Until then, look to your friends and family, and so what if your family still believes. They are still your family; they are still a plethora of happy memories and pleasant present moments. Your life’s purpose is in your hands. I sincerely hope that you don’t do anything to hurt yourself or to end your precious life. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open and the contents of our discussions will remain private; you have my word.
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